If I Was A Pro #1

Football at Christmas is kind of dull. Europe has closed down, and the never ending trudge of the English leagues is all that keeps us going. Until the glorius dawn of a new year that is the FA Cup third round, things are a bit samey, so with Newcastle grinding out solid, if uninspiring draws, other things have been on my mind at the Radetto offices.

Namely, what if we were Pros in the noble world of football? So to cries of 'Who would read this, you self indulgent bastard', here it is.

Okay, so the pro story would have started at high school. My glorious days in the top group for football would have been undenaiably more glorious if I had had the skills of a professional, but I guess I would have been the same type of player. Namely, one with a good reading of the game (the nicest thing any sports teacher said about me), but an lack of strength, and a fairly poor ability to dribble the ball. Basically, I was one of those deep lying midfielders/defenders, intercepting passes, putting in the tackles and playing the super sexy passes out to midfield. All of this with the physique of Peter Crouch. Not the most glamourous player then, allthough possibly the only player to represent the school (one glorious appearance) wearing an alice band.

So after school I guess it would have been the academy at either Everton or Crewe, like a few of the guys who could actually play at my school. I reckon the glamourous Italian flair of Dario Gradi would have seen me end up at Crewe.

After a few confidence building years at Gresty Road, churning out the mid table results, my chance to hit the big time would have undoubtedly arrived. Problem is, I really am shit at the physical side of the game. I reckon I would have thrived in a slower, more continental passing based enviroment. Plus the alice band would go down better there. So, come the end of the nineties (I am moving things around here cronologically a tad), the big money premiership move falling through, I feel Tirol Innsbruck would have been an ideal move. Thats right, FC Tirol Innsbruck.

First off, I do love Innsbruck as a city, being a man of the woods and mountains. But secondly, Tirol would have been a great place for a not quite premiership standard player such as myself (Ha!). Slotting into the back of Joachim Loew's diamond formation, no doubt I would have had a crucial role in the run to the 2000 Austrian Championship. Recognition in England gained in the sterling 0-0 draw at home to Valencia in that season's Champions League Qualifiers, and the defeat of Fiorentina in the Uefa cup, gaining me a crucial bit of attention to the clubs of Serie A.

So, after a 2nd Austrian title, aged 22 with English clubs interested, Martin sensatioanally turns them down, in favour of a move to Roberto Baggio's Brecsia filling the void left by Andrea Pirlo. The chance to form a deep relationship with his football hero, based on budhism, and glorious passes to much to turn down.

A place in this side would have been glorious, of that there can be no doubt. Not only supplying the balls through to Baggio and a youthful Luca Toni, but playing alongside Pep Guardiola for one glorious season and taking Brescia to new, glorious places at the Mario Rigamonti. Undoubtedly long lasting relationships would be formed with some of the greatest players in the world. I wouldn't want the Brecsia days to end...

Stay tuned for more; tales of (no) interest...